When living incognito
Thinking outside the box attracts the judgement of conformists. Now, since nobody likes to be criticised, we tend to reduce the occasions when this can happen. And so we live undercover, a bit like those animals who, before acting, feel what is around them with their eyes.
Being cautious is, of course, a good thing. However, beyond a certain threshold, prudence can lead to omissive behaviour: one prefers not to act, in order not to make mistakes. In practice, it is like living with the handbrake on.
The point is that the individuality that each of us is can not always be realised by following predefined paths, i.e. by staying safe from all risks. We should, therefore, understand when the fear of making mistakes or of being criticised has turned into something more toxic which, by inhibiting our actions, goes so far as to undermine our self-confidence.
We are ourselves when we think for ourselves and when we act consistently. Being constantly ‘undercover’, while seemingly making us feel safe, can in the long run undermine our self-confidence.
By not acting ourselves, we are living someone else’s life. We become anonymous, while we think we are doing our own best. The more time that passes in this chameleon-like state, the more our identity weakens.
Unhinging the concatenation of thoughts
The difficulty in acting appropriately can arise from not being able to govern one’s fears.
Uncontrolled fear can arise from the way thoughts are linked together. Chains of thoughts are not always functional. The anxieties and worries that accompany our days can creep into our thoughts and alter their flow. When this happens, it is easier to come to wrong conclusions.
The result is a situation of bewilderment, chronic uncertainty and disorientation. One can get out of this problematic picture by starting to identify the sequences of thoughts. Isolating these sequences helps to identify the exact point at which the dysfunction has entered and to remedy it. A dysfunction is a logical alteration, a hypertrophic reaction not based on any premise, a real leap in the dark. We must find the courage to confront these changes, to ‘see them in the face’ so to speak. It is necessary to find the natural rhythm of one’s own thoughts, isolating the disturbing ones which, generated by excessive anxiety, make us go astray.
If, for example, I can’t go for a walk in the country because I’m blocked by the idea that I might be chased by the dogs I might meet, I must first put the thoughts in sequence:
(1) I am going for a walk in the country
(2) I’ll be chased by dogs.
Seeing the concatenation is the first step in recognising its illegitimacy.
It will be easier to realise that reaction (2) is taken for granted when in truth it is only an eventuality. I will then be able to further interrogate the reasons why this happens, devoting myself to that special time that is self-care. A perceptive look at oneself, the habit of returning to questioning and meditation, helps us to reorder our thoughts, to have control over ourselves.
YOD Institute 